07/30/2016 14:58 in cheating
I have to start by apologizing for the lengthy intro, but this story is so outside of what I would write that I feel the need to explain it. I have recently reached out to people who are into the cuckold genre. If anyone has paid attention to my comments, they will realize that a common theme of mine is to respect each other's desires and try to learn from people who are different from you.
I love talking to people who are different from me. I love learning what makes them tick. There is nothing better than learning something new. At least in my mind.
So I began asking questions. I wanted to understand what a guy gets from allowing his wife to have sex with other men. I received several emails in response to my inquiry. Two of them stood out. I began a dialogue with these two individuals and they shared quite a bit with me. Both of their life stories fascinated me. I still keep in touch with them.
They inspired me to attempt to write a story with the cuckold theme. This was challenging for me because I had to be able to imagine a man going through it before I could put it on paper and make it believable.
Using their inspiration as well as bits from of their emails, I was able to construct this story. I originally planned for it to be three parts; however, as I explored the characters, it morphed. When I sent it to my editor, it was 109 pages of a word document. I broke it up into 7 parts.
I don't write stories with perfect people or evil ones. I try to keep characters as 3 dimensional as possible. To me a story is best when it makes both characters likable and unlikable. In my stories both of them will be flawed, yet enduring.
Now comes the warning. This story is a cuckold themed tale. If this brings back any repressed memories of past relationships or angers you in any way, I suggest you save yourself the trouble and heartache. In my opinion, you should skip to the end, 1 bomb it now, and move on to the next. The choice is yours. But you have been warned.
For those of you who want to give me the benefit of the doubt, I hope you enjoy.
As always, feel free to leave a comment. To me, that is the best part of the story. Whether you liked the tale or not, let me know why. Constructive comments will be appreciated, asinine rants will be ignored. Thank you.
THE PRESENT - September 2015
"Ma! Carlos tripped me!"
"Did not! Callie just fell because she's clumsy and stupid!"
"Yes you did you freaking jerk! You put your foot in the way!"
I sat in the basement and listened to the pandemonium upstairs. I almost smiled to myself at the nostalgia that it brought back. It sounded so similar to my sister Trina and me in our childhood. I would have smiled at the déjà vu, but my heart was still seared from the brand of painful thoughts brought on by betrayal. This brand restricted my face muscles, causing a semi-permanent scowl. Sigh. Life's a bitch. Then you die.
You might think that those were my kids waging World War III. I actually wish that it were. Sadly, the kids screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs are my niece and nephew. I do have a son, but he is at home with his mother.
I don't know exactly what act of preteen buffoonery launched the chaos, but I know that it was settled when Trina yelled at both of them to go to their rooms. I heard stomping and further name-calling, but things eventually settled down.
I bet you are wondering what is happening. It sucks starting in the middle of a tale. It's like missing the beginning of a movie. You find yourself asking a lot of questions that others who saw everything already know. Well, you can rest assured that you aren't the only one in the dark. I too am trying to put the pieces together in my head.
I am Josh. At a glimpse, I am a thirty five year old man with a loving wife, a wonderful son who thinks the world of me, and a great job that pays very well. Yet here I am lying down on a lumpy couch in the drafty basement of my sister's house instead of stretching out on my comfortable king sized bed at my own.
My mind is a whirlwind of activity, desperately running through the video of my life and trying to figure out when everything went to shit. I sit here, running through questions, hoping that my mind can grasp something to hold on to.
Where did things go wrong? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why me?
Or perhaps I am just fooling myself. The sad and sobering thing is I know the moment when I stopped being the director of my own movie.
It was the moment when I made a conscious choice to set my life down this path. The moment when I allowed lust and a need for excitement to make my choices for me. That is the moment I gave it all away. All of the soul searching I am doing right now is simply me trying to justify that decision and make me feel like less of a loser.
A lot of people look at the bad things in their life and say that it all "spun out of control". These people are deluding themselves. Truth is, things rarely "spin out of control". People who believe that have a victim's mentality and don't want to - or can't bring themselves to - take responsibility for their own bad decisions. More often than not, a person would be better served looking for the moment when they gave up control. People who consistently can't pay their bills can find moments when they made a foolish spending decision and purchased things that they had no business buying. Merovingian from "The Matrix Reloaded" describes this truth of life as causality. Action, reaction. Cause and Effect.
Simply put, Choices have consequences. When a person makes the wrong choice, they suffer. Period. If you stop playing the victim and are honest with yourself, you will find the source of your pain in the mirror.
This moment of clarity, my epiphany if you will, didn't just happen suddenly. It has been about 10 years in the making. That is how long I've known Naomi, my wife. Married for eight years, she has been a constant source of lectures in my personal school of hard knocks.
My tale goes back a little further though. You see, I have long been willing to view myself as a victim. I was raised in an environment that catered to me constantly. Growing up as a kid, I really didn't have to work hard at much. Let me explain.
I was a miracle baby for parents who were told that they would never have kids of their own. Something about my mom's uterus not being able to carry a child full term. Devastated by this news, they went through hell. I've been told that they came really close to calling it quits. They eventually found a way to heal each other, and in doing so, found the love that they'd forgotten. Once past the pain, they decided to start a family through adoption.
My parents soon found out that adoption was not easy. It was a grueling and rigorous process. They paid a lot of money and were put under a microscope for months. Everything was brought to the light. Finances, past relationships, parents, medical history. Everything. They held their resolve though, and their reward was a beautiful 2 year old girl.
Life is a comedian at times. Three months after my parents adopted Trina, my mom found out she was pregnant with me. The doctors weren't very optimistic about her chances to actually give birth to me. At first my parents tried to keep their emotions in check, maintaining a certain amount of distance from the child in my mother's womb. They had found their way back from the edge of divorce and they weren't going to let this put them through that pain again. But feelings of anticipation became inevitable around month six. By month seven, my mom wasn't allowed to do anything but lay in the bed with her feet up. Despite their precautions, I was born a month early.
While I was strong enough to survive with the help of diligent doctors, I still was pretty sick as a small child and required a lot of attention. I eventually grew stronger and healthier. The only thing that has lingered is the fact that I am diabetic. Not the fat people kind of diabetes, but the kind that you are born with.
Anyways, you can imagine how much my parents doted on me. I never wanted for anything. All I had to do was ask. If that didn't work, whining was a decent second option. If that failed, all out tantrums worked. Even as a teenager I could almost always get my way. Sure, the tantrums changed from sprawling out on the floor kicking and screaming to me simply giving my parents the "silent treatment" until they gave in, but a duck is still a duck.
My sister did not have it that easy. My parents made her earn everything that she got. They were hard on her. If she brought home a B, they asked her how much longer could she have studied to get an A. They stayed on her about her chores. On top of that, she was often held responsible for MY fuck-ups. "If she were a better sister, I wouldn't have done it." You get the picture.
You may be getting a wrong perception of sister's place in our parents' hearts. Perhaps you are imagining a Cinderella type family. But it wasn't like that. My parents have always loved Trina from the first moment she came home. She was everything that a daughter should be. They were hard on her, but I think that may have something to do with the family that Trina came from. I never found out the full story of why my sister needed a new family, but over the years I've heard bits and pieces. I think her biological mom was a prostitute and her biological dad was a drug dealer, but I'm not completely sure. Nevertheless, my parents were determined that she would not pay for the sins of her parents.
Despite their good intentions, life in our house always gave the perception that I was the favorite. I even believed it for a while. I know she did. The catch phrase of our childhood was, "I bet you wouldn't care if Josh did that!"
You would think that this would breed some contention and strife between us, but it wasn't so. Oh sure, we got into it countless times. I was selfish, she was bossy; I was a spoiled brat, she was a stuck up bitch; you know, the usual stuff. But she was a great big sister; she always took care of me. We weren't best friends who hung out all of the time, but we were very close. Every time I have needed her, she has always been there. Nothing has ever kept her from helping me.
Because I always had a great safety net growing up, I never really suffered negative consequences for bad choices. If I stole something from the store (only happened once, I swear), my sister was blamed for not watching me. If I got a bad grade, my parents blamed the teacher for not teaching it properly. If I got in a fight, my sister, the teacher, and the other kid's parents were blamed. You get the picture.
I eventually grew up though. I went to college and learned how to repair electronics. I wasn't an engineer per se, more like an engineer technician. I don't build anything. Instead I fix the things that others build. It is the difference between an Automotive Engineer and a mechanic. After I graduated I got a job with a company that has contracts with the several factories. We maintain, repair, and upgrade their machinery. It was a very well paying job.
Still, my victim's mentality emerges at times. I have had times where I still reacted like that premature baby who depended on others to give me what I needed instead of finding it within myself to get it. It's hard to overcome the characteristics that you develop as a child. My sister, my wife, and my parents, all - at some point or another - were a crutch for me.
But life, oh boy, life can be a heartless teacher. Life works overtime to beat into our brains the things that we didn't learn as children. Hence, my marriage.
As you hear my story the word cuckold may pop into your mind time and time again. While I never consciously thought of myself that way, I can see how the term could fit. There is a stereotype of the kind of guy I am in association with that title; short, nerdy, maybe a little bit fat. Oh, and of course, the proverbial little dick. You know, the kind of guy that doesn't have women knocking down their doors and ripping their clothes off. But that isn't me. While I'm not particularly tall, I'm definitely not short. I played basketball and football in high school, so you can pretty much guess what my physique is like. I had my first non-solo orgasm at a fairly young age due to a blowjob, and shortly after that I found the pleasures of vaginal sex with a different girl. I have had pretty decent sexual encounters since then. While I wasn't fucking all of the time like Hugh Heffner of old, I wasn't lacking in horizontal company. All in all, I was comfortable with the fairer sex. I was about as successful in my experience with them as most good looking guys are.
However, Naomi is no ordinary woman. Let me tell you about her and how we started.
TEN YEARS AGO - May 2005
The first thing you should know about Naomi is that she is sexy and she knows it. A dangerous combination.
This is the part where I might tell you that my wife is of supermodel proportions with a thousand watt smile that turns limp noodles into raging erections within a matter of seconds. Well, that is actually somewhat true.
She does have a dazzling smile that lights up her face. Her laugh is infectious. Those two things mixed with her eyes makes men believe that they are the only one in the world when she is talking to them. It isn't the color of her eyes that does it. They are light brown; pretty, but not at all rare. It's the way that they twinkle when she is in full flirt mode.
She doesn't have the body of a supermodel like you sometimes hear in these stories. No, she is a real girl. She does have a full C cup bra size and a soft, round ass; however, her waist isn't a size 2 and she does not have abs of steel like you see on pop singers like Jennifer Lopez. Her stomach is flat stomach and she has no hanging flab.
She isn't fat, nor is she skinny. But her body has the curves in all the places that makes a woman desirable. Trust me, if she walked out of the room wearing yoga pants and sports bra, you would notice her.
Simply put, Naomi exudes sensuality. Don't get me wrong. She isn't trashy. She doesn't dress in clothes that are too tight or show a lot of skin, but she knows how to wear clothes that accentuates her sexuality without advertising it. Beige or white sweaters that cup her full breasts and hug her stomach, jeans that embrace her ass and curve with its roundness, or open toed shoes that show-case her pedicured feet are her weapons of choice. She has that unique ability to accentuate her assets without begging for attention.
On top of her sex appeal, she is smart. She has drive to be successful at whatever she does and is extremely competitive. As beautiful as she is, her confidence in herself actually trumps her looks. She is poised enough to always look her best, but classy enough to not try too hard to draw attention. These things about her are what makes her sex appeal so...appealing.
She went through a period in which she wasn't this person, but she came out of it. When she did, she was a force to be reckoned with. But that part of the story comes later.
So, when I was introduced to her through a friend, I was surprised at how friendly and receptive she was to me. I am comfortable around women, but we guys know when we come across one that is out of our league. Well, my first impression of her was that she was in another ball game all together.
To my astonishment, she smiled genuinely at me as we interacted. She threw her had back laughed at my jokes, even when they were marginally funny. She touched my arm and leaned in close when she was speaking to me. Basically, she flirted with me. I decided that I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't ask for her number, so I did. She threw me for a loop when she turned me down, but took my number instead.
It's funny how hindsight can give you clarity of the times life tried to foreshadow your future for you. This small act of control gave a glimpse into who Naomi really is. Always on top of her game. Always in the driver seat.
She waited for a week to call me. By day three I'd accepted the fact that she wasn't going to call. I figured that she politely took my number so that she didn't have to blow me off to my face. When I heard her voice on the phone I almost choked. After an initial moment of surprise, we had a decent conversation for about 10 minutes until she got to the reason why she called.
"You busy Saturday?"
"Because I wanted to know if you wanna hang out with me."
In my life it is very rare that an attractive woman asks a man out. Unattractive women may, but usually pretty women have become accustomed to being chased. They find that they don't have to ask a man out. They simply send the signals out that they are up to BEING ASKED. Asking first sends off a vibe of desperation. If the dufus that they are with misses subtle hints that she throws at him, then she just gives less subtle ones. Eventually she will give up and write him off as either gay, uninterested, stupid, or just not confident enough to seal the deal. Either way she chalks him up as a dud and moves on. One thing about hot women is that there will ALWAYS be another guy around the corner just waiting for his chance.
But to have a girl who looked like Naomi actually call me out of the blue and ask me out was unexpected to say the least. She didn't have that "I need a man" vibe about her. I couldn't imagine her being starved for attention. Yet she asked me out with no hint of insecurity about breaking the unspoken rules of courting. I was taken aback for a moment.
"Ummm, sure. That'd be cool. What did you want to do?"
She seemed to think for a moment before she responded with, "I don't know Josh. Surprise me."
Once again, she threw me. Here she was asking me out, yet I was the one left with the task of surprising her. It was like she was auditioning me to see if I had what it took to keep her interested. Kinda like she was saying, "Here's your shot. Don't blow it."
When I hung up with her, I was very intrigued, and if I'm honest, a little intimidated. I wanted to impress Naomi and didn't think dinner and a movie was going to do the trick. I decided to ask the only person who has always given me sound advice.
My sister Trina has always been that person. Plus, she was no stranger to male attention herself. Naturally, her appeal was lost on me since I have always seen her as the big sister whom I loved to annoy, but I've heard other guys refer to her as "hot".
When I dialed her number I hoped that she would be able to give me some good pointers about what would be a good first date activity that would impress but not seem like I'm trying too hard.
I was wrong. When I told her about my predicament, she didn't give me any kind of advice - she gave me an earful! You see, in my excitement about going out with Naomi, I'd forgotten that I promised my three year old niece and four year old nephew that I'd go with them to the local carnival that Saturday. Trina burst my bubble when she reminded me of that promise (BTW, I hate carnivals. I only promised to go for the kids). No amount of pleading or explaining myself got Trina to release me from my commitment.
Since I had caller ID on my cell, I had Naomi's number. So I reluctantly called her to deliver the news that I had to reschedule. She sounded disappointed at first. I was hoping that I could talk her into giving me a second chance so I explained about my niece and nephew and told her how important it was for me to keep my promise to them.
Funny how women's minds work. The fact that I was willing to cancel with her to keep a date with my niece and nephew impressed her more than any extravagant date I could have thought of. That Saturday, she joined us
Did I mention Naomi's absurd sexuality that she exudes without trying? A pair of white shorts and a tank top that said "Hot Mama" in bedazzled lettering had the same effect that a Victoria Secret's model in lingerie has.
Trina took an immediate liking to her. The two of them formed a bond like they'd known each other since high school. Naomi talked more with my sister than she did with me!
I tried to play it cool with Naomi. I didn't want to give her the impression that I was some love struck horny teenager (even if I was). So I didn't act overly touchy feely with her. I kept conversation casual and light. I won her a teddy bear from one of those rigged games while I fought back the urge to punch the guy in the throat who was openly flirting with her. We ate ridiculously overpriced pizza and cotton candy. All in all, it was a nice day of hanging out without having that "on a date" pressure.
Did I mention that I HATE carnivals? It's actually the rides that I hate. Especially the rollercoasters. Up, down, jerking left, jerking right, upside down, dipping low and soaring high. Not too fond of them.
Well, Noami wanted to ride them and dragged me to every single one. Trina, knowing damn well how much I hated those things, smirked and waved us off.
"Have fun Josh!" She called out as she watched us make our way to the back of the line. The only thing I could do was glare at her.
I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to scream in octaves that would have Mariah Carey taking notes as I went through my personal seventh circle of hell. For the 3 minutes at a time I sat strapped in those death traps.
When the date was over and I dropped her off at home, she surprised me yet again.
"Josh, I want to invite you up to my apartment for some coffee, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea."
Of course I thought about having sex with her, but I hadn't actually had a plan on how to make it happen. I was content to go with the flow. I wanted it, but it wasn't a deal breaker for me. I was still on a high that we had hung out and had such a good time. I didn't want it to end on a bad note with her having the impression that I felt obligated to get laid.
"It's okay Naomi. We don't have to have sex. I just like spending time with you."
You would think that was the right thing to say. Somehow, I misunderstood her. She looked confused for a moment, and then a smirk came on her lips as she understood my gentlemanly gesture. But it was completely unnecessary.
"Oh no Josh, I don't think you understand. You see "coffee" is a female's code word for nasty sweaty sex. That's the real reason why I'm inviting you up. I like you a lot and I was actually hoping to lure you upstairs so that I can do unspeakable things to your body."
I know I looked like an idiot. This girl kept blowing my mind and I had no defense against her.
"So what's the misunderstanding?"
"I just don't want you to think that I'm going to be your girl or anything like that. I want to sleep with you, but I don't want a boyfriend."
Being the true gentleman that I am, I had to turn her down. I explained to her that sex is something special that two people share when they really care...
Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't seriously believe that bullshit, did you? I fucked the hell out of her. TWICE.
Sex with Naomi did not disappoint. She didn't do anything different or better than other women before her. She was just so enthusiastic about it! Sex with her was like a sport. A sweaty, pulse racing, pleasurable sport. When she sucked my dick, she went after it like a hungry bird goes after a worm. When she was on top, her hips were moving and gyrating in so many directions that it felt like she was attacking my dick with her pussy. I'm not going to even talk about hitting it from the back! She was slamming into me with as much force as I was slamming into her.
Even with the condom on I didn't last long the first time. I would say that I held out for a good ten minutes or so, but that's being way too generous. She was THAT GOOD. I don't even think she came the first time.
Guys, if you fail to make them cum the first night that you have sex, you can forget about a repeat. And I definitely wanted a repeat.
So there was no way I was going to leave it at that. Her disappointment was short lived. I dove between her legs and ate her to a leg shaking, head grabbing, eyes rolling, loud moaning orgasm. By then I was at back at full attention, so I hopped on her and gave her two more.
When we were done, I was done. I don't think I could have gone again if she fed me Viagra pills and I washed them down with Red Bull.
We both fell asleep. I woke up to total confusion when she was hurriedly rushing me out of the door.
I tried calling and texting her, but after memorizing her voicemail message and getting no response, I gave up. I didn't hear from her for another 2 weeks. Then, one day she sent me a text asking me to a concert that she won tickets for on the radio. I happily accepted.
Of course, things ended up in her bedroom later. And the living room. And the kitchen. You get the picture.
Once again the morning after found me hurriedly getting dressed and shoved out into the street.
TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER - September 2005
"Josh. Don't be like that. Stop acting brand new. You know what this is."
I lay in Naomi's bed pouting. Once again, she was kicking me out in the morning. Once again, after not calling me or answering my calls for the longest time, she just popped up out of the blue and wanted to get together. After a night of fucking my brains out and making me squirt more times than any man should, she was treating me like the annoying guest that wouldn't leave. It was like I was some glorified booty call.
In her defense though, that is exactly what I was. The problem was that I was growing too attached to her.
I know I'm about to lose some of you. Knowing what category that this story is in, I can picture you guys groaning and slapping your foreheads.
Was I pussy whipped? Maybe.
I know, I know. I'm supposed to be a real man and not let some bitch jerk me around. I know that. Hell, I would have agreed with you a few months before. But Naomi was so different. She was intoxicating. She's the kind of girl that the more you are around her, the more you want be around her. The fact that she rationed her time with me didn't deter my feelings for her. In fact, it intensified them. Absence making the heart grow fonder and whatnot.
"Whatever Naomi. Look, you don't want to be around me, that's fine. If the only thing you want from me is for me to stick my dick in you, fine. I get it. But be real about it and stop jerking me around."
She rolled her eyes and gave me a "here we go again" look. In a tone filled with exasperation, she said, "I'm not jerking you around Josh. I told you that I don't want a boyfriend. You knew what this was from the get go."
"So what is this thing that we have going on? Am I just your booty call? Huh? I need you to spell it out for me kindergarten style." I wanted to put her on the spot. I wanted her to say EXACTLY what this was. In words, real words. Not assumptions and hints.
She blew a breath out and wiped a strand of hair out of her face. "Fine. If that's how you want it. We have sex. Good sex. I like fucking you. Apparently you also like fucking me. I don't know what more you want from me."
"You still haven't answered my question. What am I to you?"
She was cornered and she knew that blunt honesty was the only way out. Her face took on a determined look and her eyes locked onto mine's
"Okay Josh. We are friends with benefits. I like you a lot. More than the rest actually. You make me feel really good. But I'm not looking for a boyfriend."
Now, I admit to being a little slow at times. But within milliseconds I caught on to the phrase that hit me like a Floyd Mayweather barrage.
"What do you mean more than the rest?"
The fact that she didn't looked ashamed or repentant at all let me know that this was not a Freudian slip. She meant what she said, and she wasn't apologizing for it.
"I'm not the only one, am I?"
Her face did take on a look of remorse at that. Not that she felt bad for what she was doing, but bad that I didn't realize it and was hurt by it.
"No. I'm sorry. I thought you knew."
I gave her an incredulous look.
"Why would you think that I knew that?"
Hurt was quickly giving way to anger. I sat immobilized for a few seconds before I jumped out of bed like it was on fire and started getting dressed.
"Come on Josh! Do you seriously expect me to believe that I am the only one you are having sex with?"
The look I gave her said it all.
"Oh my God. Josh, I really didn't know."
I turned from her and I searched for my discarded clothes, which were strewn all over the place. I felt Naomi grab my wrist and try to pull me to the bed to sit down.
"Josh, please, calm down. Stop getting dressed. Sit down so we can talk."
I jerked my wrist away from her as I located my shirt. Ignoring her pleas, I clumsily pulled it over my head and around my chest. Next I reached for my pants that lay crumpled at her bedroom door.
"Come on Josh. Let's talk like grown ups."
"Go fuck yourself Naomi!"
She gave up and let me continue to dress. I didn't even look back as I practically ran out of her apartment.
When she called me two nights later, I was calmer. Even though I still didn't want to speak to her, a part of me did. The weaker part. So I picked up.
"What's up Naomi?" I answered flatly.
"Can we talk? Are you calmed down enough to have a conversation with me?" Her voice wasn't exactly brimming with remorse, but it was definitely devoid of bravado. She seemed sincerely contrite.
I wanted to lash out at her some more, but I really needed this conversation to happen. I had a lot of questions that I didn't have answers to. So I swallowed the bile.
I thought I heard a sigh of relief on the other end. "Okay."
So we talked. She explained that she assumed that she wasn't my only sex partner and that I understood where I stood with her. She did tell me upfront that she didn't want a boyfriend.
"So, I'm okay to fuck, but not okay to be exclusive with?"
"Don't think of it like that Josh. You're making it out to be like something is wrong with you. But it's not like that. I don't want to exclusive with ANYONE. It's not just you."
"Why Naomi? What's wrong with being an actual couple?"
This ladies and gentlemen was where the rubber met the road. That moment in time when life tells you what you need to know to make the right decision. That one piece of information that decides what kind of future you will have.
"I enjoy sex too much. I love having it. I love the freedom of being able to have it with whom I want when I want. And while you are VERY good at it, I don't wanna be tied down with just one person. I'm sorry to put it to you this way. Every guy that I enjoy sex with brings something different to the table. Most guys think it's about the dick size, but that's not always true. I mean, look at you." (Huh) "You don't have the biggest dick, but you give me more orgasms than guys with nine inches"
"I don't have the biggest di..."
"Trust me. I'm not saying that you're small. Believe me, you are FAR from being small. But I can't lie and say that you are the biggest. Not like Jason..."
"If you finish that sentence Naomi I swear to fucking god I will hang up on you!"
"Sorry Josh. I wasn't trying to rub your face in it. I was giving you a compliment. You ring my bell more than most. If its any consolation, you have stayed the night with me every time we had sex. None of the others did that."
If I'm honest, that was some consolation. But it was like telling someone that they are the best looking ugly person, or telling a woman that she looks good "for her age". I didn't want to be the tallest midget.
"Gee Naomi. Golly! Well, I feel so much better now! So, because you like me more than the other guys that you fuck besides me, you give me the courtesy of kicking me out early the next morning instead of the night before. Well, when you put it like that..."
I could tell she was getting irritated with this conversation. But there is no way she could have been as done with this shit as I was.
"Listen Josh. I like you. A lot. More than the rest of them. But I can't be your girl. Now, I LOVE having sex with you. I get that you want more. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have. So I will respect you enough to not call you anymore and ask you to hang out."
I don't know what I felt when I heard that. I loved spending time with her, but the pain of being with her and not having her wasn't something that I could deal with.
"I know that you're mad right now and I hope that you get over it. I would really love to continue chilling with you and hanging out; but only when you are ready to accept this for what it is. So I think that we should back off for a while."
Though I seriously didn't want to end it like that, I knew that it was the best way.
"Okay Naomi. Maybe you're right. Maybe we should cool it." I was finally able to choke that out after a few seconds. I actually began to miss her immediately.
Before she hung up with me she shot another cannon across my bow. "Just so you know, I'm giving you an open invitation to pick up where we left off. I wasn't kidding when I said that I liked you a lot. So even if I'm not calling you, I'll be hoping that you will call me. Take care Josh."
Then the line went dead.
SIX MONTHS LATER - Early 2006
I hadn't talked to Naomi since that conversation. She kept her promise and didn't bother me. I did get an occasional stab in the heart when she posted something new on MySpace or when she responded to something that I posted. Don't ask me why I still kept up with her. Maybe I was a glutton for pain. But for the most part we stayed clear of each other.
I found myself both relieved that she was giving me space and hurt that she could drop me so easily. I guess it is easy when you have a harem full of virile men waiting to give you endless pleasure.
To say that I missed her immensely would be doing the English language a grave injustice. In the first weeks following the start of our hiatus, I didn't even want to go anywhere. I went to work and I came home. Anybody who has broken up with a woman that was everything that they could want knows how this feels. However, we weren't married and I hadn't fallen completely in love with her, so I was able to move on. Granted, she was a girl that I could easily fall in love with; she had that hard to describe and ignore way about her that was mesmerizing. It wasn't something that I could shake off easily. But I had some comfort in knowing that it wasn't me that she was rejecting. She wasn't open to a relationship with anybody. I did wish that she felt the same about me that I did her, but I accepted the fact that we just weren't meant to be.
So for six months I was able to put Naomi in the rearview and I lived life like only Josh does. I went out with friends. I hung out with my sister occasionally. I even got laid a few times. That didn't last long though because she was the younger sister of one of my buddies. After the inevitable altercation, I knew it was a safe bet I wouldn't be drinking any cold ones with him anytime soon. C'est la vie. In my defense, she was HOT!!
So when D day finally came upon me, it shook me to my core. That day that I walked into Starbucks and heard her familiar laugh from across the room resumed the process of my eventual undoing. Even with the low level buzzing of activity, I recognized the owner of that throaty laugh. My eyes scanned the room until I saw her. On the other side I found her sitting on a guy's lap happily chatting with a group of people. The bigger surprise was how I felt when I saw her. Even after all of this time, I found myself right back in that bedroom with her when she ripped my guts out telling me that I wasn't the only one who was keeping her company.
If I'd reacted quicker I could have made it out of there undetected, but seeing her on his lap froze me in place for a split second too long. Her eyes met mine and I saw a familiar smile emerge on her face when she recognized me. My heart started beating faster when she got up off his lap and meandered her way through the coffee crowd to meet me.
"Hey sexy. Long time no see." She practically sang when she stood in front of me flashing me that smile that could melt steel.
"Hey Naomi" I returned. I could smell her intoxicating perfume. That mixed with those eyes were like kryptonite. A slight glance in the direction she came from was enough to snap me out of the trance.
"New boy toy?" I inquired as I nodded my head over to the guy who was glaring holes through us. I guess I wasn't the only brokenhearted member of the "Naomi Club". She threw him an offhand glance, completely ignoring his venomous expression.
"Something like that."
I couldn't help but to laugh at how nonchalant she was being about him when just moments before she was on his lap like they'd been together for years.
"He may have different thoughts on that."
She snickered "You all do."
The entire time we were talking, she didn't break eye contact once. It's that thing that she does where she makes you believe that you are the only one in the room. It's hypnotic. I felt myself falling under her spell despite myself. I was almost ready to grab her hand and lead her out of there, but I caught the trap in enough time to pull free from the web.
"Well, whenever you break the news to him try to be more gentle than you were with me."
Ouch. The look on her face let me know that I hit a bullseye with that one. Her face went from seductive to hurt in a matter of milliseconds. Although I felt justified, I also regretted saying it. But I'd effectively broken the spell.
"I-I should get back. Take care Josh. It was nice seeing you again." She embraced me in a warm hug and made her way back to her boy toy. They had a brief exchange that couldn't have been pleasant, but she planted herself right back on his lap. Someone else in the group said something to her and she threw her head back in laughter. Just like that, it was like the last ten minutes hadn't happened.
Later on that night though, I got a text.
I looked at the screen for a few seconds and replied.
Wanna no if u can cum over
Y? I thought you'd be busy with that guy.
No. Not busy.
I didn't respond to that. I was about to put the phone down and go back to watching The Sopranos when I heard the chime again. I opened the message to the jaw dropping pic of her standing in the bathroom mirror holding her phone. She was completely topless. The message attached told simply said:
I really missed u.
My mouth dropped open when I took in those perky breasts. I'd almost forgotten how they looked. But now, all of my feelings came flooding back to me. I sat there at a loss of what to say.
The phone suddenly rang in my hand, jarring me out of my trance. No question about who the caller was. I looked anyway, hoping against hope that maybe it was my mother inviting me to church. Or maybe it was some telemarketer looking for donations for the Cleft Lip Children Association. But alas, if that were so, this story would probably be over now.
I knew that I shouldn't answer it. I knew that. But like a moth to the flame...
"Hey yourself. Can you come over?"
"I don't think that it's a good idea."
"So are you coming?"
"Why Naomi? Why?"
"Because I miss you. More than I thought I would. When I saw you today I started thinking, you know, about us. I still have feelings for you Josh. We were good together."
More silence. I couldn't make myself shut her down. I had that same rush of feelings that she did, but I wasn't going to tell her that.
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"Just come over...please?"
What can I say? You can pretty much guess what happened from there. There was a difference this time though. The next morning, she didn't kick me out. I woke up to her snuggling against me. Just like that, I was trapped in the web again.
BACK TO THE PRESENT - September 2015
My sister shook me awake. I hadn't even realized that I had dozed off.
"SHE'S on the phone."
My sister said the word "she's" like it tasted bad coming out of her mouth. Trina held the cordless in front of my face gesturing me to take it.
"So. Tell her I'm busy."
I tried to roll over but she poked me on the shoulder with the phone.
"I'm not a secretary Josh. Tell her yourself."
I took it from her, pressed the "End" button to terminate the call, then handed it back to her. Smiling at me and shaking her head, Trina took the phone from me.
"You have to talk to her sometime Josh. You can't hide here forever."
I ignored her and rolled over. I heard a few moments of silence, then the sound of her footsteps retreating up the stairs. Alone in my solitude once again, I went back to my pity party that was in full swing.
I'd walked out of our (me and Naomi's) house after she confessed that she'd been having an affair for the past few weeks. Our confrontation was almost a week ago. Since then, she has been hounding me non-stop. I eventually had to turn my cell off, which is why she was calling my sister's house phone.
Luckily, I didn't have to worry about her simply ambushing me by coming over. She'd already tried that. The first night I left, Naomi assumed that I needed time to cool off before I returned home. So she left me alone. I ended up at my sister's house needing a shoulder to cry on. After a while, it was decided that I would stay with her for the night.
The next morning, when she realized that I hadn't returned home, my phone nearly exploded with calls from a frantic wife. Messages telling me to call her, asking where I was, begging me to talk to her, you name it. I ignored all of them.
Naomi, always being one step ahead of me, found my phone's location with the GPS tracker. Twenty minutes later my wife was repeatedly ringing my sister's doorbell and yelling at me to come out and talk to her. Trina flung open the door and told her that if she came over here again bringing that "Jerry Springer shit" then she was going kick her ass. Then she would call the cops on herself. After she was released on bail she was going to hunt Naomi down and kick her ass again for making her go to jail.
Naomi is a lot of things, but being a fighter was not a talent of hers. So she wisely took my sister at her word and left. That hasn't stopped her from trying to get in touch with me though. Since then she'd made a habit of constantly calling the house phone since I still refused to answer my cell.
So here I am, hiding behind my sister's skirt, and feeling like an utter loser. I know by now there are all kinds of "kick the bitch to the curb" thoughts running through your head. Easy for you to say. You came into the movie later and don't know all that you missed yet. This story gets more complicated
THE PAST - Early 2006
The next morning after Naomi and I became "reacquainted", she surprised me by not only refraining from giving me the "heave ho", but she actually cooked breakfast for me. As we sat there eating our food, we would glance up at each other to see if the other person were looking. This little game continued until there was nothing left on our plates.
The giant elephant just sat quietly in the corner, awaiting for us to acknowledge him. Neither of us wanted to ruin the mood, so we tried to overlook him. But he was not to be ignored. Finally, unable to take it anymore, I decided to take the lead on this one.
"Where does last night put us?"
I could see the disappointment in her eyes. She obviously didn't want to be having this discussion now, but I was forcing the issue. She steeled herself and sighed.
"That depends on you."
I nodded my head as the meaning of what she WASN'T saying sank in.
"Soooo...we're good as long as you get to fuck whoever you want." I saw her flinch for a moment, but she didn't deny what I was saying.
"When you put it like that you make me sound like I'm some kind of whore." This time I was the one not denying. She immediately got defensive and angry.
"Fuck you Josh. What, so I'm a whore because I don't want you to be my one and only? For your information, I don't go around just fucking every cute guy that flirts with me. I may have more than one sexual partner, but I don't' just fuck everybody."
"We had sex on the first date Naomi."
After the words were out of my mouth I instantly wished I could reel them back in. I look of hurt and horror flashed across her face as she jumped out of her seat and exploded.
"The reason why I slept with you on the first date was because I FELT SOMETHING FOR YOU asshole. I thought you were different than the others. If you must know, that is the only time I have done that. EVER! But you can rest assured that I am correcting that mistake right now. GET THE FUCK OUT!!"
She stood in front of me breathing hard. Her pretty face was creased with anger and venom. But she never looked more beautiful.
"I'm sorry Naomi. I just..." I went over to her and tried to hug her, but she pushed me off.
"I said get the fuck out." Her voice was stern, but it didn't pack the punch that it did when she first said it. I took a chance and still wrapped my arms around her. She struggled for a minute punching my chest, but they barely had any power in them. It was a token resistance to let me know that I hurt her. Finally she simply laid her head on my shoulder and let me hug her. She didn't hug me back, but her body was molded to mine's as she accepted me.
"You're a real asshole, you know that?"
Once tempers were cooled, we were able to have a rational discussion. We'd moved from the kitchen and into the living room.
"So, if I am to be with you, I have to accept the fact that you have sex with other guys."
"And I have to accept the fact that we are not a couple." This time she just nodded.
"So, what does that make us? Am I just one of the stable boys?"
She broke a smile on her face for the first time all morning. "No, you aren't one of my stable boys. I actually care for you. When we stopped hanging out, I missed you a lot. I had to stop myself from breaking my promise and calling you at least a half a dozen times. But I promised you space, and I didn't want to hurt you."
"But you don't like me enough to be my girl?"
A sad look crossed her face.
"You can't think of it like that. I do want you in my life. I really do. But I LOVE sex. I enjoy trying out the variety. Big dicks, little dicks, black dicks, white dicks, I love them all. I don't go around just fucking every guy I meet, but if I meet one that I would like to try out, I want the freedom do that."
"What about me?"
"God. I LOVE having sex with you. You are so...energetic. So eager. You make me feel so good when you are on top of me. More than that, I like spending time with you. I have never met someone that I can just be who I am around. For some reason, I feel more comfortable with you than I do with any other guy. That's why you've always stayed the night with me. I had to make myself kick you out in the mornings because I could honestly fall for you."
"So you keep yourself at a distance from me because you want to keep fucking around?" Once again I saw her flinch when I said that.
"Please don't say it like that. It sounds so crass. But yes, I don't want to give up my freedom. I know that a guy like you isn't going to be in a relationship with me under these conditions, so I have to distance myself and be ready to walk away from you. But for some reason you snuck under my defenses."
I looked at her angelic face, her brown eyes staring imploringly at me. God, she is so addictive! Like heroin. I know that she's bad for me. But I can't quit her.
"What happens if I can't deal with this?"
She looked disappointed when I said that. Her face was filled with hope a moment ago, only to have it dashed.
"Then you walk away. I'll understand. I'll hate it, but I get it. I seriously hope you don't though. I would really miss you."
What can I say? I was hopelessly enamored by this woman. I knew that I would be with her, even in a limited capacity. Why can't I shake her?
"What about me? Would you expect me to just be with you?"
As the thought crossed her face, a dark cloud appeared over it. Was that a flash of jealousy? I saw it, but there is no way that could be true. Given how she just got done with that bullshit speech about her "freedom" there is no way that she expected me to just be a one woman man.
"Of course I can't expect you to not have sex with anyone else." She said that statement reluctantly, as if she really wasn't buying it. She continued though. "All I ask is that as long as you are having sex with me, that you wear condoms with all of them. I always do."
She was right about that. Her nightstand drawer is like a condom infomercial. I honestly think that she could single handedly make Trojan's stock plummet if she stopped buying them.
"Okay Naomi. We'll try this out."
She squealed and jumped in my lap. Moments later she was impaled on me and riding me like a jockey. As we both came I had the fleeting thought that I would pay for this decision.
I wanted to give credit to Nonethewiser for his editing and suggestions that have greatly improved my story. There may still be some errors in the story as I tried to implement his changes, so they should not reflect at all on the wonderful job he did.
This was my first time using an editor. I highly recommend it to any other authors who don't already utilize one.